All restaurant meals to be blogged by 2020
(with apologies to The Onion)
Every restaurant meal eaten will be written up on the internet by 2020, the government has announced. A new law passed today will make it illegal to eat food in a public place without reviewing it at length on the world wide web.
Customers will have to critically appraise their meals on a personal restaurant review blog within 48 hours of paying the bill or face heavy fines. Repeat offenders could be jailed for up to three months if they fail to report on the tastes and textures of dishes consumed.
“We applaud the efforts being made to record every mouthful of food digested in catering outlets worldwide,” said a government spokesperson. “However, they are currently unstructured and disorganised, leading to a less than comprehensive coverage.
“For example, we estimate that only 50% of all meals consumed at el Bulli have been documented. This new law will ensure that every single customer will be able not only to post photographs of themselves standing in front of the restaurant sign and posing with Ferran Adria, but to write in arse aching detail about every single thing put in front of them.”
Although news of the law has generally been well received, it has attracted some criticism from industry commentators who fear that a run on clichés could jeopardise the long term sustainability of the initiative.
“Emperor’s new clothes; the best meal of my life; perfectly cooked; acidity cuts through the richness; my companion plumped for – these are phrases vital to all restaurant bloggers. There’s a very real risk that their repeated use on such a massive scale could literally wear them out,” said an internet insider who wished to remain nameless.
The government have responded to the comments by saying that they have plans in place to mitigate the risk, should it occur.
“We have a crack team of our own bloggers working on new clichés to be phased in over the five to ten years which will ensure that no one phrase will be used to destruction.”